Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
