No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
