i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
