Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
