My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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