I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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