I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
