I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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