She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
