the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
