I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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