he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
