I am in a vortex of obligation.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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