oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
