I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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