Already got asked if we're dating
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
