I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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