I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
