And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
