I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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