You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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