his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
