I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
