I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
