the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
