There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize