i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
