But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
