To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize