You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
