yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
