I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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