She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
