I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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