So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
