Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize