even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
