i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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