i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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