The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize