so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
