I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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