Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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