I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
