Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize