I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
