dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
