I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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