how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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