Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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