Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
