why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
