I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
