Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize