he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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