i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
