I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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