WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
