Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
