Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
