You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need water and some morals
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
