and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
