I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He did a backflip because drugs
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
