My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
