she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
