Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
