I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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